I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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