she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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