New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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