I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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