I love black thongs
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
