He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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