My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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