I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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