we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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