How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
