you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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