i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i think i just lost a toe
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
