We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize