did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize