Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
