I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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