where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
