I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i think my cat just said my name.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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