I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just high enough for therapy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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