Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
