so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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