have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
