Me too!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
