fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
