So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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