Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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