addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
