who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
