Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
