I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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