I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
