Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
