She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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