You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
