He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
