I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize