My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
