i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Say something about gay babies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
