Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
