I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
