my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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