hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
