Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
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i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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