Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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