you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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