I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
