You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
