I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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