Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
