I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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