I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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