I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
