My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
