I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
