apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
