A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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