You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
