ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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