so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
