I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
