You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
